He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
