just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize