Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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