no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
