whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
