i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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