my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
