I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
