Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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