We're facebook friends in real life
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
