no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
