I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
