I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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