Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
