That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
