Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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