Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
