she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
