I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
