True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
