This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
