The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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