HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
