I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
