Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
