he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
