i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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