walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
