Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
