He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
