my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
