I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
