I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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