We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
