Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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