i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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