Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
