pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
