I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
pop tarts are not kleenex
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
