Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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