If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
