Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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