i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is my gift to your gina
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
