I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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