I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
