did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
