I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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