Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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