Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
