i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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