I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
