I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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