i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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