I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
