We won't sleep together?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
