It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
