my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
