So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
