And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
