Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His hands were made for my vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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