so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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