My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
