Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
