That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
