Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
