apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
