I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
